I remember my first pet. After begging for months, I finally became the proud owner of Tawny the orange cat. I was so excited when my parents brought Tawny home from the local humane association! However, with pet ownership comes the inevitable day when that beloved pet passes away. I still remember the feeling of loss the morning I discovered that Tawny had died.
Like me, most pet owners consider their pets as members of their family; some may go so far as to consider a pet their child. Given the rich and intense relationships most pet owners share with their animal companions, the loss of a pet can be very painful. So don’t be surprised if you feel devastated by the loss of that relationship.
One important difference between pet loss and human loss is that pet loss is often misunderstood by others. Friends and family may ask “What’s the big deal? It’s just a pet!” For someone who has truly loved a pet, however, the loss of that animal can feel truly devastating. Like grief for humans, grief for animal companions can only be dealt with over time and in stages.
The most important step you can take is to be honest about your feelings. Don’t deny your feelings of pain, anger or guilt. Locking away grief doesn’t make it go away – express it. Do what helps most; there is no wrong or right way to grieve. Also keep in mind that other family members may be grieving the loss of the pet and may not grieve in the same way you do.
Helping Children Deal With the Loss of a Pet
When Tawny died, I remember my parents explaining to me that death was a natural part of life. We also held a small funeral in the backyard. However, you are the best judge of how much information your children can handle about death and the loss of their pet.
Don’t underestimate them! You may find that by being honest with them about the loss of their pet, you may be able to address some fears and misperceptions they have about death. Here are some simple tips to help your child get through the loss of a beloved pet:
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Be honest with the child and give simple, clear explanations consistent with the child’s level of understanding.
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Expect them to ask questions like, “Will my pet go to heaven?” or “Can he/she still play with its toys?”
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Avoid confusing explanations of death, such as, “gone away”, or “gone to sleep.” It might be better to say, “Their body stopped working.”
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Don’t assume that if the child isn’t talking about the loss it hasn’t affected them.
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Sharing your grief with a child is a way to help them learn about grief.
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